Leave Cartoons Alone

Oh, wonderful; they’re making a live-action blockbuster movie out of Cute Aluminium Guardian Knight. Everyone knows that Hollywood ruins every single cartoon they touch. Remember the live-action ‘Toast is the Smell’? It’s always bad. To say nothing of that awful fan-made short inspired by Pretty Car Dealer Sailor Hoon, which was so far from the original that it still wakes me in the night. Shudder indeed.

I mean, I get that they were inspired by the excellent remake, where Selena runs errands for a car dealership and also several mechanics near Bendigo. These people who actually WERE from Bendigo probably saw part of themselves in the show and thought they;d recreate some of that mechanical magic. But wow…if you have no experience in street-racing, then maybe you should NOT be making a short film about street racing, thus dragging down an iconic character in the process. It’s clear that some kind car servicing people let them use the space for the initial scenes, and then the rest of it was just filmed in some guy’s field because they didn’t want to actually get arrested for even simulating street racing. So it’s just some people in utes and old Fords, racing around in circles, all of them in really bad dress-up.

Like…show some consideration for the tacit depiction of mechanics. Remember Damon, Selena’s mechanic friend who was both her romantic love interest and link to the normal world who pulled her back when the crazy world of street racing threatened to swallow her whole life? True, he turned out to secretly be a motorised-scooter-riding vigilante (Vespero Mask) but that’s beside the point. He represented the best parts of garages providing roadworthy certificates near Bendigo and beyond. He gave Sailor Hoon a roadworthy certificate, while also trying to prove he was road-worthy of her love.

No nuance in that short film. And that’s what Hollywood does to cartoon.

-Dylan-kun