Uncommon Perfume

We are now one step closer to replicating perfume that smells like bacon. The aroma market is remarkably lacking, when you think about how long it’s been since the whole thing got started.

I’m not actually allowed to leave the compound because I might end up destroying the world with some sort of dark experiment (guilty!) but I’ve never seem perfume that smells like salt and vinegar. No one puts on deodorant that makes them reek of the delicious scents of fish and chips. Think how desirable that would be.

Of course, we’re starting quite small with some lesser-known flower scents, to see how well they translate into perfume. Our suppliers just brought us some scarlet runners, frangipanis, dahlias and a few native shrubs just for good measure. Quite possibly, no one has attempted to create a perfume with the scent of a shrub, even though shrubs are wonderful and make one think of the outdoors. It would give you an outdoorsy smell. People LOVE the outdoors. Not me, especially, which is good because none of us are allowed outside on account of our dark science and lack of mental stability. But we’ve done the job: we all now smell like shrubbery. The dahlias have proven to be a bit more tricky, in terms of extracting a scent. Dahlias look very nice, and they smell quite nice as well, but when you try to distill that essence into a perfume of sorts it doesn’t quite turn out as well. If I had to guess, I’d say it was a cross between compost and a wet rat. And while I cannot understand why people wouldn’t want to smell like salt and vinegar, I can understand why that scent wouldn’t work.

We’ll have to use some more macabre methods. But rest assured, dahlia dwarfs, we WILL bottle your scent. You will be ours. And you will make people smell very nice, except for if they go daring and want to smell like bacon. Or my personal favourite, onion rings.

-Stanford