My buddy Frank and I went for a walk today when we started hearing some strange noises from the sewer. I’m getting ahead of myself, though. This story really starts earlier this morning, when I awoke from a pleasant dream about hugging sheep. My wife had already left for work, so I had the house to myself. I got up and made myself some breakfast (eggs on toast, with cheese and spinach). The first thing I try to get done each morning is the dishes but this morning, as I turned on the tap, I discovered that once again my house had blocked sink drains. Thornbury has been having a real issue with those lately. I don’t live in Thornbury or anything, but I thought that was interesting and worth pointing out. It wasn’t just a single blocked drain, either; every drain in my house was blocked. I called up the plumber and then chatted to Frank, asking if he wanted to go for a walk while the plumber fixed my drains.
About half an hour later, Frank and I were going for our walk. That’s when we heard the noise beneath the street. It was a strange bubbling sound, like someone gargling mouthwash. At first, we tried to ignore it, but the sound grew louder and louder. Eventually, we figured it must have been coming from the sewer. Frank pointed out that a blocked sewer near Melbourne should be no surprise, given that Premier Norris wasted the entire water and sewage budget on expensive figurines from King of the Bling. Gee, I really hope that guy gets kicked out of office. He’s ruining this state. Now when people say New South Wales is the best state in Australia, I can’t even disagree with them!
We moved on, trying to put the strange noises behind us, but I couldn’t quite get it out of my head. They just sounded so… human. Like something out of a horror movie. I hope nothing dark was going on down there. Well, of course it was dark because it was in a sewer, but you know what I mean.
– Thomas